2 Chicks and a Flick

S:  EMO WARNING 🙂

Well, trying to save money, I’ve been rereading books I have read before (series with lots of sequels seem to be my favorite) so I just reread “The Hobbit” and had started on “The Fellowship of the Ring.” Because I was heading into the Mines of Moria in the book, I decided to watch the movie to get me into the mood.

I put the DVD in and watched it while doing some other things around the house. At the end of the film, I sat down and paid attention to all of the things that happen to break the fellowship, cried when Boromir died, and thought again about how much Tolkien loved the hobbits – unattractive, short, brave, loyal, hardy creatures that loved to eat and were just as interested in “second breakfast” as they were in saving the world. I love hobbits too! In the end, watching Sam and Frodo leave for Mordor wondering if they would ever see the others again made me sad, even though I know how it all turns out.

This movie is bittersweet for me. When I found out that they were making a movie of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, I was excited. I started looking things up on the Internet and tried to read everything I could about the movie. I scanned forums, IMDB, etc. and discovered that the “Fellowship” movie was coming out on December 19th, 2001. I was really into this. I reread the books and even put a 3 x 5 card on my bulletin board at work with the date 12-19-01. Sometimes, when I was having a bad day, I looked at that card and thought about seeing the movie. I had already talked with Ernie about going to see it on opening night. He reread the books too so we were ready.

That year I had quite a bit of vacation left at the end of the year. I remember taking off from work the Friday before the 19th for the holidays. I was cleaning out my closet. On the 18th, I had planned to take the train down to see my parents, but I called my Mom to tell her that I was still working on the closet and would come on the 19th. I figured I could run down and see them, and still get back to see the movie that night.

At about 6am on the morning of the 19th, my Mom called to tell me that my Dad had collapsed in the bathroom and that she couldn’t wake him up. She called the ambulance and they were on the way. Ernie and I left the house and he drove me to the hospital. About an hour after we got there, they came in to tell us that my Dad had died. This was so unexpected. Looking back, I don’t think he felt that well, but I don’t think any of us, including him, expected this. All thought of the movie went right out of my head. I spent the rest of the day with my family, trying to help my mother cope with things, arranging for family members to get here, visiting the funeral home, etc. I remember working on his obituary thinking it was the last thing I had ever dreamt of doing that day.

The 20th, a Thursday, was a long hard day. My Mom’s sister arrived and planned on staying with her, so I decided to come home to get some rest. About 5pm, I walked in the door and just crashed. When Ernie came home, he suggested that we go to see the movie, just to get out of the house and get our minds onto something else. At first I didn’t want to go, but then realized that I did want a distraction and that after waiting so long, I really was looking forward to seeing the movie.

I was transfixed through the whole 3 hours. Any emotional reaction I had was deeper and more meaningful because of how raw my feelings were. Even after all this time, when I watch “Fellowship” the movie is forever linked with my Dad’s death. website host information It’s hard for me to believe that all those months when I looked at 12-19-01 on my bulletin board, I wasn’t looking at the date I would see “Fellowship” but was looking at the day I would lose my Dad.

So here I am, 7 1/2 years later watching the movie again and thinking about all of that. I know people say that time heals, but it doesn’t. That is a lie. Maybe you don’t think about your loss as often, but when it hits you it hurts just the same. wall cloud . As I watched the end of Fellowship and the credits, there is a song called “In Dreams” sung in a boy’s pure voice and it always makes me think of losing my Dad and how I felt that night sitting in the dark and hearing the words – “And in dreams, we will meet again” and praying that it would be true -that just like Sam and Frodo think they will never see their friends again, in the end they are reunited.

Dad I miss you every single day. Because of you and the things you taught me, I truly love movies and books like Lord of the Rings. You gave me so much. I love you.

“In Dreams”
When the cold of winter comes
Starless night will cover day
In the veiling of the sun
We will walk in bitter rain

But in dreams
I can hear your name
And in dreams
We will meet again

When the seas and mountains fall
And we come, to end of days
In the dark I hear a call
Calling me there,
I will go there
And back again.